Caring for Someone with Cancer While Making Room for Your Own Needs

Caring for someone with cancer can bring new responsibilities into everyday life. You may find yourself keeping track of appointments, handling insurance paperwork, or staying up late with a loved one worried about treatment, all while managing work, family and other responsibilities at home.

November is National Family Caregivers Month, a time to recognize the people who support loved ones with cancer and other health conditions and the support caregivers need themselves.

When someone you care about has cancer, your own needs can easily get pushed aside. Even when you recognize that you need a break, finding time or someone to step in can be difficult.

You do not have to wait until you feel overwhelmed to ask for help.

Recognize the role you are already playing

Many people do not think of themselves as caregivers. You might simply see yourself as a spouse, friend or adult child helping someone you love.

Caregiving can mean providing emotional support or coordinating help from a distance. Recognizing this role may make it easier to explain what you are taking on.

Ask yourself: What is taking the most out of me right now? Your answer can help you identify where support would make a difference.

Make requests specific

People may say, “Let me know if you need anything,” without knowing how to help. Coming up with an answer can feel like another task.

Consider keeping a short list of things someone else could handle:

• “Could you bring dinner on Wednesday?”
• “Can you take over grocery shopping this week?”
• “Would you stay with Dad while I go to my appointment?”

CancerCare’s My Cancer Circle™ can help you organize support from family and friends, giving people a way to coordinate meals, rides and other daily tasks. You can also ask someone you trust to manage offers of help. 

Not everyone has people available to step in. CancerCare’s social workers and resource navigators, along with social workers at your loved one’s treatment center, can help you explore local resources.

Set limits that reflect what you can do

Work schedules, your own health and other responsibilities affect what you can manage.

Try being clear: “I can come to the appointment on Thursday, but I need help covering Friday.”

When possible, talk with your loved one about the help they want and what they prefer to handle themselves. Revisit these conversations as needs change.

Give yourself room to feel

You may feel close to your loved one one day and frustrated or exhausted the next. Difficult feelings do not erase the care you have for someone.

Find people you can speak openly with, whether it’s a trusted friend, counselor or caregiver support group. You can explain what you need: “I don’t need advice right now. I just need you to listen.”

Start with one manageable step

A long list of things to do for yourself can feel unrealistic. Start with one need you have been putting off, such as making your own health appointment or asking someone to cover a responsibility so you can rest.

Find support through CancerCare

Explore CancerCare’s free caregiving resources for information and support, or call 800-813-HOPE (4673) to learn about available services.

Our online support groups offer a password-protected message board where caregivers can connect with others and read or post as their schedules allow during the group cycle.

Publications: