Q. My dad was diagnosed with cancer last month. He and my mother live in another state, and I have a family of my own so I can't be there to help them out on a daily basis. What can I do to support them from far away?
It is difficult when we want to be there for our loved ones but can’t. We can feel helpless and “out of the loop.” However, there are ways to help, even from a distance. Here are some useful tips:
Help your parents with medical matters. Make sure your parents communicate regularly with your father’s doctor and that all their questions and concerns are being addressed. Ask your parents to sign a consent form allowing the doctor to share information with you in case you need to intervene on their behalf. If your parents are uncomfortable asking questions, send them a copy of CancerCare’s publications, Communicating With Your Health Care Team and Doctor, Can We Talk?.
Offer to help your parents with practical issues such as paying bills or making calls to their insurance company. Research information on resources and services for people with cancer. Volunteer to be the one to keep family and friends up-to-date on your dad’s condition, so that your parents don’t have to make so many calls and tell the story over and over. If your parents resist this kind of help, let them know that it would help you to help them. They are more likely to accept the assistance if they know it is helping you manage.
Give them emotional support. They will welcome your regular telephone calls and cards that let them know you are thinking of them and share what’s going on in your life. You many also want to suggest that they find additional emotional support through individual counseling or support groups.
Take care of yourself and your own family. People with cancer often worry about the impact their diagnosis has on their loved ones. You can ease your parents' concerns by seeking out the same kind of emotional and practical help you want for them. Having your own life under control and your own family cared for will allow you to better support your parents and their needs.
For more information, the Family Caregiver Alliance offers a Handbook for Long-Distance Caregivers.