Whether you choose to talk about the treatment plan early on or at a later date, the important thing is to keep your
children informed. Since treatment is likely to bring about many changes in your family's day-to-day life,
encourage your children to ask questions if they are concerned or confused.
Here are some suggestions for talking to children about the treatment plan:
Let children know about any changes to their routines. When talking about a parent's
treatment, many children want to know what it will mean for them. If Mom is in the hospital, who will
take them to school, make dinner, or take them to after-school activities? Let your children know
these concerns are important to you, too. If you don't have your support team
(relatives, neighbors, and friends) in place yet, reassure your children that there will be a plan
and that you'll let them know about it.
Prepare children for possible side effects of treatment. In discussing your treatment with children,
you will want to prepare them for possible side effects. Seeing side effects from chemotherapy, such as a
parent's hair loss, weight loss, or nausea, can be upsetting to children. If children understand in advance that
the side effects are part of the treatment and not part of the illness, they can handle things better. With children
aged 5 to 8 you might use crayons and paper to make simple drawings of some of the changes that might occur, such
as hair loss. This will give your child a more concrete way to understand that there will be changes with the
treatment.
Give simple, reassuring explanations. For most children, you do not need to go into a lot
of detail about side effects. For example, you might tell a child aged 5 to 8, "Mom has to take very
strong medicine to get rid of the cancer. It might make her lose her hair and feel sick, but it will
be from the strong medicine, not the cancer." Or if radiation is involved: "Mom is going to have a
treatment that might make her very tired. When she gets home, she will need a lot of rest."
Because different people respond differently to treatment plans, let your children know if you're not
sure what side effects you might have. But reassure them that you or another important person in their
life (parent, close relative, family friend) will help them prepare for any changes. Providing this
kind of comfort and support shows your continued love and caring for your children during a difficult
time.
Help children stay connected to you during your treatment. One way to help your children
cope with your cancer is to help them feel connected to you while you're in treatment. For example,
if you're going to be in the hospital, your children might draw pictures for your room or send
cards. If you're able, you might want to make a drawing or send a note home to them as well.
Letting your children know how much you love them and that you're thinking of them will make it
easier for them to deal with the time you're in the hospital.
Stay connected at home, too. It might be difficult to do some of the things you were able
to do before. For example, cancer and cancer treatment may prevent you from lifting or carrying your
toddler or young child. Your child may miss this and want to be close. By hugging each other from a
seated position or lying down with your child on the floor, couch, or bed, he or she can be at eye
level with you and feel comforted in your arms. Unstructured activities, such as watching TV with your
children or talking about their day at school, can also bring a sense of togetherness.
Allow your child to participate in your care. You may find that your child wants to help
but doesn't know what to do. Giving children simple tasks, such as bringing you a glass of water or
an extra blanket, helps them feel connected. Teenagers can take on larger tasks around the house,
such as washing dishes or mowing the lawn. But they shouldn't be expected to handle adult
responsibilities, such as paying bills.
Let your children know that it's okay be kids. Tell your children that you are thankful if they
want to help, but that you don't expect them to take care of you all the time. That is not their
job. Their job includes things like going to school, doing their homework, seeing friends, playing
sports, and having fun. Children should not feel guilty about being children. Let your children know
that although you (or another family member) has cancer, it is not all that your family is about.
Remind them often that no matter what changes the cancer might bring, your love for them will never
change.
